Manipulation and love bombing - a woman receives flowers on her first date.
I was on the phone with my girls one day, and the feeling of being fed up was mutual. You meet someone, and in the beginning, they have their game face on. Advice? It was said you should know what you're getting into, but do we really? The killer is when I read a recent article, the writer mentioned, "Most of us are deceived more than we realize. In fact, we are only slightly better than a coin flip at detecting lies. Even court judges are only a bit better than average at spotting deception." That is scary!
So, to identify it, I decided to write a blog, inspired by a Yahoo article, How To Spot a Master Manipulator:
"Ulterior motives are often concealed in kindness, favors, and breadcrumbs." – Sean Kernan
The concept that I found interesting is that many manipulators lie to the point where they believe their own lies. The manipulation tactics start early. They've been doing it since childhood because, well... it worked. You got caught stealing candy, and the “I’m so poor, and my mom doesn’t feed me” lie got you all the sympathy and free treats. By the time you deal with them as adults, they are good at what they do.
Here are the signs their smile means you are being played:
1. They Give Small Gifts… With Strings Attached
I’ve had a relationship or two where people gave me gifts or helped me and then held it over my head forever. Every time I turned around, I was reminded of that one time they saved me when my tire exploded at 2 AM.
"Humans are strongly reciprocal in nature. Any healthy relationship is built on giving and receiving in a fair manner. When there’s a gulf in this reciprocity, it creates a power imbalance." – Sean Kernan
Manipulators use gifts to control you, making you feel indebted. Bestowing presents is also a classic tactic of abusers. Love bombing is the worst way to get snagged—don’t fall for it.
2. Gaslighting – The Art of Making You Doubt Yourself
Gaslighting is an insidious form of manipulation. It originates from the 1938 play Gas Light, where a husband tries to make his wife believe she’s losing her mind.
Ever been in a relationship where someone did something right in front of your face but then insisted it never happened? Even if you have proof?
Cue the Shaggy voice: “It wasn’t me.”
Gaslighters will have you questioning your own reality, making you feel like you’re imagining things. They may swear they were never at the club, even though you saw them hugged up with someone dancing to a love song. Don’t back down from calling it out. It is a pure and malicious form of manipulation.
3. The Threat of Breadcrumbing
I actually wrote about many of these manipulation tactics before—hence, you can cop the I Rebuke the Bare Minimum mug on my online store.
Breadcrumbing is rampant in the dating scene. This is when someone showers you with attention initially—taking you out, wining and dining you—only to start arguments and make you the problem.
They disappear, then pop up again just enough to keep you engaged. They like all your posts, view your stories (but never text back—ew), and flirt with you in person. But the moment you bring up making a commitment? They suddenly aren’t ready or are going through so much. Girl, run.
4. Guilt-Trip Masters
I’ve had someone throw something in my face 100 times—even when I was well within my boundaries. Emotional manipulators are experts at making you feel guilty, even when you’ve done nothing wrong.
You’ll find yourself apologizing or explaining when it’s not necessary. They twist situations and make you feel like you are the one in the wrong. Guilt is their weapon, and their goal is control. Recognizing this tactic is your first step toward regaining your power. Say no and stand firm.
5. The Ever-Present Victim Mentality
Manipulators love to play the victim. They twist every situation to make themselves look like the victim innocent soul—even when they are the problem.
The writer of the article describes a time "dealing with a colleague who was a master at manipulation." Whenever he was called out, he would somehow make it about how everyone was picking on him. Suddenly, instead of accountability, you’re offering him sympathy. Classic deflection.
The Thing to Remember…
The problem with articles like this is that it gives tips on how to be a pro manipulator. But therein lies your defense mechanism. Remember that telling the truth is good for you—literally. Overcoming the temptation to lie benefits your mental and physical well-being.
So be on the lookout:
Favors and gifts can be psychological weapons.
Run from gaslighting.
Breadcrumbing = they only want your attention.
Guilt-trippers are all about control.
Victim-players use sympathy to escape accountability.
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