Catching a disgustingly mushy and passionate romance film is a go to for me when I'm looking to wind down. The one that stole my heart to date is the comedy-drama series Zatima. I ugly cried in one episode watching Zack sing horribly on stage to win Fatima back after losing her - I think it's relatable because it's something that most women imagine a man who loves them would do to win their heart back. We've all been in that stage of breakup when we could only dream that our person would respond in the same way in our absence. Then boom...reality check!
We realize that Zatima is just a fairytale love story. Now, I'm not saying that real love stories don't exist. But know the difference between your desire for love and reality. It will save you an earth-sized heartache in the long run.
Some of us women tend to create our own love story in our minds. No, it's not crazy! It's called falling in love with potential. Women are most inclined to fall in love with what we imagine a man to be and tie it into what we want in a man, then ignore what's actually right in front of our faces. And because we've formed an attachment to them - soul ties, emotional attachments, co-dependencies - we become blinded by emotions and get distracted from the bigger picture.
Let me use myself as an example. I've been in love with men who were charming, good fathers, great communicators, and good friends. Just because a man is a good person, doesn't make them good for you. When love and emotions are involved, all is fair in love and war. Time and time again, I returned back to a dead-end relationship simply because I didn't believe the actions shown to me because they were good people, or because I loved them. Don't be that girl!
So how do we know when we're just in love with potential? For one, when something in the relationship just isn't clicking, that's a sign. Imagine trying to fasten a seatbelt buckle that just doesn't connect! At your every attempt to connect and fail, you are left heart-broken and depressed. That means you're in love with potential.
Love shouldn't leave you running in a cycle of tears. It's like touching a hot stove over and over again and expecting something different. Believe me. You will get burned every time.
The key is paying attention to the facts. When you spend time together, do you even like them as a person or like the way they treat you? Do you actually enjoy time spent with him or feel happy when you're with him? Are you guys actually compatible? Can you name 10 things that you enjoy about the person. If you are struggling, my dear, you may just be in love with his potential. This is a recipe for disaster.
Another way you can tell if you're just in love with potential is recognizing if you love your person for who they are or for the thrill of the chase. This means you only feel passion when the two of you are separated, which brings on a continuous cycle of breaking up to make up.
"For many people the pursuit of the chase is more enticing and rewarding that the actual relationship itself," says relationship expert Damon L. Jacobs, licensed marriage and family therapist, and author of Rational Relating: The Smart Way to Stay Sane in the Crazy World of Love.
I would like to think of avoiding the cycle of reattaching to a toxic relationship is working smarter not harder. Once you've already learned how to recognize his toxic behaviors, then the next step is to practice self-care.
The more you love yourself, the less willing you are to put yourself in an emotionally damaging situation. It's when you allow someone to treat you negatively over and over again, is when you have to do a self- evaluation to answer the question to why you continue to allow this to happen. Could it be self-esteem issues?
In fact, self-esteem is learned, and so is your attachment style. If you are co-dependent, it may be harder to let go of a toxic relationship because you are dependent on their approval and presence. Most of the times, joining a support group or speaking to a therapist can help someone who has developed a co-dependent attachment style.
Other ways to avoid bouncing back to a toxic friend, is knowing your worth. You really do deserve better, and there is someone out there who will love you the way you want to be loved.
Here's the true love story. You see the way Yo Gotti manifested his dream girl Angela Simmons? On Oct. 2015., he let it be known that he was feeling her on his track, "Down in the DM." He stated that he had a crush on her. However, at that time, she wasn't ready to be found. She had gotten engaged in 2016 to Sutton Tennyson. Her relationship with Tennyson wasn't a complete love story as he called it quits in 2017 and was fatally shot. Simmons is known to have had a few toxic relationships in her past. However, Gotti never took his eyes off the pastor's daughter. He popped out at her 35th birthday party, and just three months later, they confirmed their relationship. And from the looks of it, he is treating her right!
The moral of the story is that there is someone out there manifesting you, so don't waste your time on someone who treats you anything less than royalty. Even if they don't last, she had a chance at real love.
Not allowing someone to continue to waste your time may mean keeping busy, so you don't have time to think about Mr. Wrong. Go out with friends who can offer support. Work on your goals, start that business you were dreaming about, and work on you!
Idle time is the devil's playground, so if you are not careful, you just may let him back in.
Also, we women are great at stalking on social media on our free time, sending texts, dropping by his hang out spot in an attempt to bump into him, and etc. Again, work smart, not hard. Stop breaking your own heart! The more you see him, the harder it is to let go. Choose yourself and move forward.
Do what it takes to put you first and to maintain your mental health. This means blocking him if you have to or if you feel like you are not able to control yourself. And if you are further along in your healing process and decide that you are able to be friends, set firm boundaries.
Remember, your heart is precious. "Don't cast your pearls in front of swine."
Thanks for reading and good luck on your journey!
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